海外信仰生活體驗帶來的啟迪與反思

　　最初接觸傳信會已是二十年前的事，印象已很模糊。我想是九三、九四年左右吧，在公教報得知從非洲回來的教友傳教士何慧敏姊妹在堂區分享經驗，我便獨個兒前往參加。當時，我並不認識講者，跟其他傳信會成員也不熟，只是被該分享主題吸引。可能我一直對發展中或較貧窮的國家的情況和人民的生活很有興趣，想瞭解多些，加上那時剛領洗不久，對教會和信仰上很多事情也感興趣，如是便前往參加，但我已記不起聽畢分享後的感想和印象。那年頭，也是我加入了教區正義和平委員會工作不久的時侯，臨近九七主權移交過渡期，社會議題層出不窮，所以工作異常忙碌。加上我剛報讀了神學，又參加了一些信仰和義工組織，所以往後那些年，也沒有時間和機會進一步瞭解傳信會的工作和活動（除了某次偶然看到何愛珠姊妹在＜神思＞的文章分享），直到十年之後......

真正較近距離接觸傳信會是參加了兩次傳信會舉辦的信仰生活體驗團，一次是前往緬甸東枝，另一次是前往非洲肯尼亞的首都內羅比。

二零零五年年中，那時剛從美國進修回來不久，大約在四、五月的某一天，在公教報看到緬甸生活體驗團招募團員的廣告，當時心中有股衝動很想參加，而且知悉體驗團是在七月或八月舉行，新工作仍未正式上任，時間上很配合，於是立即致電詢問詳情及報名。雖然這不是我第一次前往外地參加生活體驗，但與其他團員（另有四位參加者）都互不認識卻是首次。起初我是有些擔心的，因為我們這體驗團除了探訪一些教會辦的社會服務外，還應東枝教區邀請，為福傳小姊妹（Zeterman)安排一個短期課程，分享知識和信仰，包括聖經分享、電腦使用、基本醫護知識和文化交流。由於對當地環境毫無概念、對福傳小姊妹的背景也不清楚，加上在籌備開會期間感到團員間的做事作風南轅北轍，凡此種種，對於凡事講求計劃周詳、準備妥當的我當然是一大挑戰。幸好，在聖神的帶領下，整個過程團員之間都能合作無間，互相配合和補足。白天，我們在培育中心與學員分享、授課、聊天和用膳；晚上，除了檢討和準備課程外，我們會一起祈禱、分享個人信仰經驗和感受，我感到團員之間的坦誠分享很難能可貴。整個旅程，由籌備到成行出發到在緬甸生活體驗和教學分享知識到回港重聚分享，是一次難忘且愉快的經驗，亦是一次很特別的與主相遇的經驗。

至於肯尼亞體驗團又是另一次難忘經驗，這次體驗團主要是探訪和瞭解教友傳教士陳倩盈姊妹所服務的學校和堂區，以及她所認識的其他傳教士和當地教會的服務和工作。非洲國家對身處發達的香港的我們來說，會引發很多不同的想像，然而，能夠置身其中，在某下雨天親臨非洲發達城市內羅比中的一個大型貧民窟奇比拉，以及探訪倩盈任教的中學（學生主要來自受愛滋病影響的家庭），與校長和老師傾談，即使時間不長，認識很有限，但已不能不佩服每天都要穿梭貧民窟的的老師，對倩盈更再加添幾分敬意和欣賞！而且，每晚與倩盈及另外兩位團員的祈禱分享，讓我對教友傳教士的心路歷程更加深了認識，瞭解到隻身在海外服務真的不容易，包括文化、物質、人際關係上的適應，但難得的是倩盈常銘記「上主天天和她在一起」，遇到再艱鉅的問題也坦然面對。

事實上，無論對於在肯尼亞遇到的來自香港、美國、意大利等地方的教友或修會傳教士，或是在緬甸認識的當地福傳小姊妹，經過與她們交談，甚或探訪他們服務的機構和對象，我都能在他們身上感受到那份強烈的使命感和信德。他們不但勇於回應上主的召叫前往有需求的地方服務，願意慷慨付出與他人分享，以謙卑的心學習自己不熟識的語言和認識其他文化，而且即使遇到困難，都無阻他們那份堅持、對天主的信賴，對生命的熱誠，以及對人懷有的希望和真摯關懷，並以堅毅的精神克服困難，為服務對象帶來希望，決心以行動見證信仰，這實在令人欽佩。相信廿五年來來自香港的教友傳教士，都是懷著這種精神在海外傳播福音喜訊、為信仰作見證。

兩次信仰生活體驗都帶給我很多啟迪和反省，包括個人的召叫和使命、團體的合作精神、祈禱靈修生活與行動實踐的關係、如何過簡單、快樂和有意義的生活等。回港後我將有關經驗、體會和感想在傳信會的聚會和其他場合與其他人分享，並化為文字刊於公教報和網誌上，讓更多人知悉教友傳教士的生活和當地情況，希望藉此吸引更多人認識和支持傳信會的工作和其他地方的教會。

參加了兩次體驗團，每次與團友分享時，也會談到是否想過做傳教士前往海外福傳。我本人也有想過這問題，特別是第二次體驗後，也曾與我的靈修導師分享有關念頭。但當時我也在考慮再前往外地進修神學，而且已考慮了好一段時間，最後還是決定先前往讀書，往後或許仍有機會往外地以教友身份見證信仰和分享神學知識。而在二零零九年離港前一年，我答允傳信會幹事會的邀請，參與幹事會的工作。雖然只是短短的一年時間，所付出的可謂微不足道，然而，出任幹事讓我有機會參與在本地支持海外福傳的工作，共同商議會務；並讓我感受到一班幹事的投入和熱誠，他們都是參與傳信會工作多年的教友，默默耕耘，希望教友認識福傳的意義、平信徒的使命，以至鼓勵有志教友參與海外福傳的職務。

現時身在美國進修的我，雖然不能直接參與傳信會的工作，但仍留意著傳信會的活動和教友傳教士的動態，以及為他們祈禱。此外，兩次體驗以及與傳信會幹事合作和避靜的經驗，時至今日亦經常提醒我，無論身在何處，都要常常與上主保持一份親密的關係，透過祈禱默想擦亮眼睛，在日常生活中認出主耶穌，留意祂向自己發出的邀請，將天主的愛與其他人分享，在自己的崗位為信仰作見證。我發現恆常的祈禱的確能確幫助我在不同的人身上認出天主，包括神學院的老師和同學、在信仰路上陪伴我同行的靈修導師，以及遠在香港的親友等，特別是在困難時刻，更能夠體會到天主的愛和扶助。

在此時此刻，回應天主的邀請，將祂的愛回饋給祂和社會，除了努力學習裝備自己外，我選擇在課餘時間在三藩市的田德農社區服務無家貧困者，透過按摩治療為有需要人士提供身心治療。在機緣巧合下，我認識了我現時服務的機構Care Through Touch Institute。它的宗旨是，本著基督宗教和佛教的靈修精神，透過雙手與個別人士的深度接觸，邀請義務治療師與社會上最貧窮、被邊緣化、被壓迫和被忽略的人士接觸，為他們祈禱，以及回應他們身體上、心靈上，甚至情緒上的創傷，視「與貧窮及受壓迫者在一起」為一種生活方式和態度。這服務不但是我見證信仰的一種行動，亦讓我從最弱小的兄弟姊妹身上認出耶穌。很多時，我從他們身上得到的比我付出的還要多呢！他們給予我們的關心遠超過我所預期的。

2013.6.9
［天主教教友傳信會廿五周年紀念 ］

因信德而獲得正義

許給亞巴郎和他的後裔的恩許，使他作世界的承繼者， 並不是藉著法律，而是藉著因信德而獲得的正義。～羅馬人書4:13

在社會上，有時候我會看見一些人（包括當權者），時常說著一些關心貧窮人如何重要的說話，自己卻不善待有需要的人，這是講一套做一套，言行不一。另外，一些人表面上做很多善事，獲別人讚賞其善心，但他們對自己的員工卻異常苛刻，刻薄寡恩，這是博取聲譽的行動，而非真誠待人的表現，可謂動機和行為不貫徹如一。亦有一些人熟識法律，甚至懂得鑽空子 逃避責任，但對於這些人，即使他們的知識如何了得，所處位置如何重要，也不值得誇讚舉揚。

昔日，保祿宗徒在寫給羅馬人的書信中，正指出了不可因知識、地位、守法而自誇，而知法犯法的猶太人比外邦人犯過更為嚴重。保祿是要指出，一些熟識法律的猶太人，自恃自己懂法律、表面守法律，便以為自己比其他不熟識法律的外邦人高人一等，其實他們沒有什麼好誇耀的，因為恩寵是天主白白恩賜的，信德（而非法律）是救恩之所在。更甚者，某些猶太人宣講不可偷盜，自己卻去偷盜；宣講不可行姦淫，自己卻行姦淫；叫人憎惡偶像，自己卻去劫掠廟宇（羅2:21-23)。他們以法律自誇，而自己卻違反法律，這不是知法犯法、言行不一嗎？

保祿這番話正好提醒我們，不要倒果為因，以為守了法律、遵守誡命便成義得救，更重要的是，反問自己的心在哪裡，是否全心信賴天主？自己的信德是否堅定穩固，承受得起挑戰？保祿告訴我們，凡全心信賴天主的人，不論是猶太人或外邦人、男人或女人、奴隸或自由人，都會藉天主的恩寵得救，與天主和好，成為天主的子女。
　
這樣說不是輕視法律，或認為行為善工不重要。相反，守法和善功都是信德的外在彰顯。因為凡與基督結合的人，整個人都會有所轉化。歸依不是一次過的行動，而是不斷的轉化提昇。與主的關係愈密切，信德亦愈強，對一切人和事的觀察、判決以至行動都會以天主的目光出發，因而以天主的教導生活、以愛德行動回應天主的愛，而不是因害怕被罰而守法律。因著信德，這些外在的行為正好證明了信徒的內在本質已經轉化提昇。

生活在現今社會，誘惑眾多，有時候為了個人利益或個人方便，往往忘記了別人的需要；有時過份強調自己的努力，因而忘記一切都是天主的白白恩賜，距離天主愈來愈遠而不自知。亦有時遇到挫折而忘記了天主的恩許，以至信心不再。我們一方面要不斷歸依，加強與天主的關係，強化信德；另一方面，謹記天主的法律、誡命和教導是幫助我們成為一個更好的信徒，而不是用來誇耀自己。

求主賜予我們謙卑的心，懂得感恩，懂得欣賞別人而不自誇。　

收割莊稼的工人

看，我派遣你們猶如羔羊往狼群中。（路10:3)

耶穌派遣門徒宣講、見證和拓展天國；門徒驅魔、治病，以及呼籲人悔改歸善。雖然耶穌吩咐門徒只需簡單的旅行裝備，既不帶錢包口袋，也不帶鞋子，但這使命卻殊不簡單，甚至帶有危險性，猶如羔羊往狼群中，一不小心，甚至性命不保。因此，門徒必須專心致志，心無旁騖，連與人問好打交道也不必。但耶穌也安慰門徒不必過份擔心，並想了好些可能出現的狀況，讓門徒有心理準備，讓他們知道只要全心信賴上主，即使不是一切問題都會迎刃而解，但他們始終會得到祝福，旅途中會得到照顧。

既然這是上主的工作，門徒是帶和平給他人，為何這使命會有危險性呢？這是因為耶穌的福音觸動了當權者的權力，令他們感到受威脅。而且，耶穌的福音不是為討好大眾，有時候他的教導甚至讓人覺得很難聽得入耳，特別是那些心高氣傲、擁有權勢的人，並不是人人都會接受。因此，即使所有人都有機會享有這份和平，但最終只有那些願意接受的人才可獲得。

今時今日，我們都被耶穌邀請成為收割莊稼的工人，消減惡勢力，將他的和平、治癒帶給其他人，在現世建設天國。生活在香港的基督徒，可能未有感受到傳信使命的危險性。然而，在世界各地，當基督徒只屬少數，而且是當地政權或主流宗教所不容或敵視時，如在中國大陸、巴基斯坦、印度、蘇丹等地方，要在當地傳福音、建立教會，服務當地人民，殊不容易，更遑論在這些地方指出不公義和惡勢力的蔓延。

近日，看到一些報導和聽到一些訪問，有關某位可經常自由出入內地的神父，聲稱國內已有一定程度的宗教自由、公義和進步，故不應只強調國內不公義的一面。當然，凡事都有兩面，內地不少神長和教友都努力在有限的空間中活出信仰，而且在某些地方，這空間在擴展中。但筆者也曾跟因信仰而坐牢的神父直接交談，以及看過不少資料，知道實況並非如這位神父所說的理想。在某些地方，國內的基督徒，就如羔羊在狼群中，隨時會被軟禁或拘捕，生命更受到威脅。雖然不是全國各地情況都這麼嚴重，但絕不能抹煞有人真的因信仰、因發出公義的聲音而受迫害。

每個人的工作重點不同，神恩各異，在基督內我們應互相補足、彼此欣賞。然而，若我們只看到自己的工作和使命如何偉大，只看到自己有限的接觸範圍內的美好景象，而忽略甚至否定了自己視線範圍以外的不公義，甚至明知這些事情的存在而顯得漠不關心、事不關己，甚至批評那些揭露不公義的人和團體，則如何稱得上是一位基督的追隨者。

這正好提醒我們，我們所做的事，是為歌頌自己還是為光榮天主？是取悅政權還是依賴天主？是以自我為中心還是以耶穌的教導和榜樣為依歸？

2012 Review: A Year of Thanksgiving

“Even when I walk in a ravine as dark as death, I should fear no danger, for you are at my side. Your staff and your crook are there to soothe me.” (Ps 23:4)

“Kindness and faithful love pursue me every day of my life. I make my home in the honor of Yahweh for all time to come.” (Ps 23: 6)

My Study and Ministry
• This is the fourth year of my study. I passed the oral defense of my comprehensive examination at the end of October. I have to thank especially my committee members and my comp study group. Their encouragement, critical comments and companionship are important support for me to survive in this challenging journey.

• I presented papers in two academic conferences: one at the GTU Women and Religion student conference in March, another one at the Chicago American Academy of Religion (AAR) the Confucian Tradition Group in November.

• In the spring semester, I attended a course design seminar which help me to prepare the course that I am going to teach in 2013 spring. I also took a seminar course on Scripture and Ethics with Lucas Chan, a visiting professor at JST and also a Jesuit from Hong Kong.

• I attended a dissertation workshop in the Asian Theological Summer Institute (ATSI) program in the Lutheran Theological Seminary in Philadelphia in early June. The collaborative learning method and comments from various professors help me to revise and improve my proposal.

• I attended a church meeting in Rome on justice and peace in early December. I shared the situation in Hong Kong and China and the church’s response. I met some great people there who are scholars in social teachings, human rights or social sciences and some church leaders who are active in social justice ministry.

• I continue my social ministry as a massage practitioner in the Tenderloin area in San Francisco. Usually I go to the Tenderloin Self-help Centre to give chair massage to the homeless community once every one or two week(s). This ministry makes me more humble and experience God’s presence among the least of our brothers and sisters. It also help me to be more grounded when I study social ethics and justice theories, linking my study with my ministry, and understanding “option for the poor” in a concrete way.

Friendship and Travel

• In summer, after attending the workshop in Philadelphia, I went to Boston and visited my secondary school classmate Sunita whom I haven’t met for years and my good friend Moka whom I knew during my first year PhD study. I had a great time with them in which we had in-depth sharing and enjoyed sight-seeing together.

• After my paper presentation in Chicago in November, I stayed for a week to meet three good friends during the Thanksgiving week. I stayed in the Jesuit community in Loyola Chicago for a few days with my good friend Kaf whom I knew during my MA study at JST in 2003-04. We shared a lot about our study in the past and at present, our faith journey and all the happiness and challenging moments in the past few years. We also visited some museums and do sightseeing together. Moreover, I was invited to a family gathering on Thanksgiving Day by Lida, a friend whom I knew in Hong Kong some years ago when she did her research for her dissertation project. She has Ukrainian heritage. Apart from sharing our academic life and daily life, we also share our experiences in Pysanky egg-painting. Besides, I visited another Jesuit friend Yong in Milwaukee whom I knew in Berkeley last summer when he took a summer course on spiritual direction.

• I knew these friends in different stages of my life but all of them have influenced my life in different ways and let me see the goodness of God’s creation and feel God’s grace.

• I joined the GTU buddy program to share my study experience with the incoming student. I was assigned to be the buddy of Eunjoo,a new IDS study from Korea and we became good friends since then.

• I also feel grateful for having some good friends at GTU so that we can encourage and support each other. Meanwhile, some of my good friends graduated and left Berkeley. I really missed them!


Extraordinary experience
• I went to Rome to attend a church meeting and I experienced the very first time of losing my passport and visa and wallet on a train from the airport to downtown Rome. I was distracted by a few men and my bag was stolen when I bent down and picked up things for them. I learnt a lesson that I must keep an eye on my belongings at whatever time and wherever I am. Luckily, I did not lose my computer and other valuable things. Moreover, the church organization which organized the meeting help me a lot and bought me a ticket to Hong Kong so that I can reapply all my documents. This gave me an extra holiday in Hong Kong. I feel so grateful for their generosity and kindness.

Holiday in Hong Kong
• Because of this unexpected holiday, I had my Christmas and new year celebrations with my family, gatherings with many friends, and visit some mentors and teachers. I really felt happy to see them and had chances to talk and share with them again.

Future plan
I will co-teach a course on “Faith in Human Rights” with Professor Marianne Farina in the fall semester. I will propose my dissertation next year and then start writing. I will also attend a conference on Catholic Social Theory in Taipei in March and present a paper. After the conference, I will stop by Hong Kong and have my Easter there.

I feel gratitude for what I have experienced in the past year, including achievements and difficulties. All were blessings moments to me as I could feel the presence of God.

Foot Massage and Discipleship

Christian discipleship is the journey into a relationship with Jesus that deepens and grows. It is a kind of mutual bonding between Jesus, when he called us to follow him, and we, followers when we say yes from our heart. His love exceeds what he receives in return. He affirms our faith through telling us “be not afraid” recurrently although we always show fear and hesitation.

The path of discipleship may not be an easy journey and we need a community to support each other. However, the differences among the community of disciples may bring frustration and it is especially this time for us to learn how to live in harmony and nurture the sense of inclusiveness.

For me, Jesus’ own behavior of walking, eating and drinking with the poor inspires me to accept people who were considered worthless and treated as invisible. This challenges me to build connection with the marginalized and treat them equally. Some years ago, after taking a class on "spirituality and liberation" and a workshop on linking massage therapy with spirituality, I started volunteering for the Care Through Touch Institute, a non-profit organization which serve the marginalized through massage therapy. I hope to integrate my spirituality with serving the poor and underprivileged through this social ministry. I give upper body massage (neck, shoulder, back, head and hands) to people in a self-help community center about twice a month. This service also reminds me to pray for the homeless and marginalized people, and be more aware of the social policies relating to this.

I agree more and more that as a disciple of Jesus, my prayers need actions to back up and my spiritual practices urges me to act according to the teaching of Jesus.

In the past Holy Thursday, I did foot massage for the first time. I attended a one-day workshop to learn how to do it. It was not just a skill-learning workshop, Mary Ann, the director of the institute, and Pamela showed us the sacredness of serving others through foot massage. They also alerted us to pay more attention to our own bodies and the connection among all of us who gave and received massage. Giving massage on Holy Thursday was a profound experience for me. It reminded me how Jesus served people through washing their feet. He called us to “go and do likewise.” That’s what I tried to do.

Ukrainian Pysanky Eggs

2011 Gratitude and Reflection

This is a year of challenge and gratitude and I would like to share some aspects of my life in Berkeley and Hong Kong with you.

About my study
This is the third year of my doctoral study at Berkeley. I have finished my two-year course work and have passed my comprehensive examination proposal (comp proposal) in November. In the coming year, apart from taking a course on Course Design and Teaching, I will mainly focus on preparing and working on my four examinations (Christian Ethics with focus on Catholic Social Ethics, Methodology of Asian Theology with focus on a Chinese Theologian, Chinese Social Thought with focus on Confucian Ethics, Interdisciplinary Model and Case Study). Then I will have an oral defense of my four written exam papers in or before November 2012.

I have a few achievements this year that I really have to give thanks to God for guiding me all the way of my study. The most important thing is the passing of my comp proposal in the November area meeting of the Interdisciplinary Studies Area. My original plan was to work on it during summer and propose it in September or October. However, due to my work on another paper and the delay of confirming an outside reader, I could only propose in November. Luckily, with the advice of my committee members, my proposal was passed with good comments. Moreover, I received the Chan Prize in an essay contest at GTU and the Newhall Award on co-teaching a course with a professor next year. The theme of my paper in the Chan essay contest is to examine the human rights values from the Confucian tradition and Roman Catholic tradition. The course I will co-teach is Faith in Human Rights. Furthermore, my paper proposal was accepted in a Women and Religion Conference at GTU. I will present a paper about how to uphold the dignity of the working women of rural China in March. I thanks all the teachers and schoolmates who discussed with me, exchanged ideas with me and showed support to me. I learnt a lot from them.

About my family and holiday in HK

I experienced a very difficult time since June when I heard the news of the hospitalization of my 12-year old nephew Kahay. Due to peritonitis & enteritis, Kahay has been stayed in hospital for over
four months. For over one month, he is not allowed to eat anything and only receive nutrition via intravenous drip. My sister and in-law as well as my family worried a lot. But they are strong persons and tried to take care of Kahay with an optimistic attitude. As I was far away from them, I could only pray for them and talked with them through skype from time to time to show my support. Luckily, Kahay got better and better and left the hospital in November. Now, basically all things get to normal except there is a wound in his small bowel & belly. When I went back home at the end of the year, I saw a healthy, happy and lively boy. I was so full of joy when I saw him again.

I went back home for a few weeks to see my family and friends during Christmas and the new year. It was a precious time for me and I had chance to spend quality time with my beloved ones. I ate a lot and share a lot with them. I treasure friendship with all these old and new friends who give me tremendous support and encouragement. I know that's signs of care and love from God. I can feel God's presence through them.

Besides, since my mother moved to another apartment a few months ago, I spent some time clearing my old stuff and rearrange my things, especially my books. In this process, I looked through many things which accompanied my growth, including books, magazines, CDs…. I dared not throw them away as they influenced me in one way or another and formed my values. However, I have to let go and clear space. I will continue to treasure them in my memory.

About my spiritual life

I took a summer retreat in daily life for three and half weeks in June and July in Berkeley and a three-day retreat in Hong Kong. They are valuable time for me to spend more silent prayer time with God. I aware more and more the presence of God in my life no matter what I do and where I am. I have to give thanks to my spiritual directors in Berkeley and Hong Kong. They are good companions on my faith journey and they themselves made me feel the love and care of God.

Besides, I do eggs painting as a spiritual practice. I learnt the Pysanky egg painting from Becky and Zoe, two friends at GTU. This is a tradition from Urkaine and the families do this together during the Lenten season. Painting the eggs needs patience and I do this in silence in a prayer mood. This is also a relaxing exercise for me when I want to take a rest from my study.

About my living place

I moved from the dormitory to an apartment with Pui Fong, a GTU schoolmate with major in spirituality. She is also from Hong Kong and we were dormmates for two years before we moved to this apartment which is also on campus. It is a spacious place with kitchen. We cook dinner together almost everyday and go to grocery shopping with the help of other friends. We are able to watch Chinese news on TV during our dinner time. We also invite friends to eat with us from time to us. It’s a blessing that we are able to have this apartment and do not need to eat in the school dining hall everyday anymore.

About my volunteer work and social life

Apart from study, I start volunteering in the Care Through Touch Institue, to give massage therapy and healing in the Tenderloin Self-help Centre in San Francisco since June of the past summer. People come to this centre are homeless or unemployed who seek for help and support, thus cannot afford to pay therapy if they have physical problem.

This is an important ministry for me to get in touch with the underprivileged and serve them through healing and spiritual support.

Moreover, I have social gatherings with friends from time to time and I treasure the friendships with them.



Gratitude and Reflection
When I reflected on all these experiences, I really feel gratitude and thanksgiving to God.
I resonate a lot when I read the following passages on bible and on internet.

Jesus the Faithful One.
"Look back on your life, and see how I have helped you through difficult days. If you are tempted to think, "Yes, but that was then, and this is now" remember who I AM! Although your circumstances may change dramatically, I remain the same through time and eternity. This is the basis of your confidence. In My presence you live and move and have your being."

"Never worry about anything; but tell God all your desires of every kind in prayer and petition shot through with gratitude, and the peace of God which is beyond our understanding will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4: 6).

The Chinese New Year is coming, wish you have a happy and fruitful year of the dragon.

Mary